The Tale of 3 Condoms!

Well I thought I would share a tale of an event that happened for a pre-birthday celebration. It all started off when I heard I was going to have a visitor coming into town and being the optomistic person that I can be I went looking in my nightstand for a few rubbers. Well it appeared that being in a dry spell and not having a need for them (Or so I thought) I must have tossed them away a while ago. They were lame anyways all colorful and crap. Even had a few black ones that wasn’t cool. So on my way to meet my guest I stopped at a grocery store. Normally I handle the purchase online and have some handy. But yeah so it was my first experience going into a public establishment to make this purchase. I guess I was lame and never made that right of passage.

Oh well so I go walking around and cannot find them in my first stop. I find KY Jelly, KY Warming Jelly, Woman Yeast Infection Stuff and cannot seem to find the rubbers. So I go out and call the trusty master of everything and he said go ask at the counter. I don’t do that because she was a rather old woman and didn’t want to be asking “Hey where are the condoms?” to a lady who probably hadn’t had sex in a while looking to be in her 80’s and didn’t want to send her into a heart attack. So I decided to go back out to my car and then she pulled up.

So well that stop was out so we go check into our room and then we go grab dinner. Then some ice cream and then we go for a nice little walk at the waterfront park having that sunset romantic time that is a cliché. So after that I go to another grocery store to get a bottle of wine. I go to scope out the goods but they are locked behind glass so I find a shelf guy and he says you can only get them when the Pharmacy is open because they are the only one that have the keys. (Okay at least they have them but most people would probably pick up condoms when there are less people around to judge them. So I am denied again. May we press forward)

So I get the wine and get back to my car and thinking where else can I go on my quest for not pro-creating but commiting the act safely. So I look at my gas tank and see that I am 3/4 tank and say “Oh I need to stop and get gas” So I find a nice gas station normally I pay by Debit or Credit Card and never go inside so I paid the way I normally do. I use the excuse I have to use the restroom. So I go in and ask for a restroom and they don’t have one. What kind of gas station doesn’t have a restroom. Oh well so I go over to the very limited health section and no condoms.
Is this what happens when a republican religous president is in charge. That a 20 something guy trying to be smart and safe can’t get a condom so that I don’t force people to pay with their tax dollars for a child to grow up and live that I didn’t want to begin with? So with 2 Grocery Stores and a Gas Station not having condoms I get in my car and start driving and think. OH WE NEED CUPS! so I find this really crappy store and go in and go hide between the soda coolers and a shelf to peer over the shelf to look at the health section and in the middle of this place there are condoms. So I am like finally. So I grab some gum. I must say that Orbit Cool Mint Gum is the best gum in the world. So I go drop them both on the counter and this what I would assume Korean lady is like do you need a bag? I said my Pocket is just fine. Then she started laughing and said “Have a fun night” I said “I will, I wish the same for you” Then I pointed at her and made a click sound with my mouth for some reason.

So if you take anything away from my story. Avoid Grocery Stores and most gas stations if you need condoms in a hurry. And hopefully a nice Korean lady won’t make fun of you either.  But anyways after that the rest is history.